Pregnancy: 1st Trimester 

I like to say that the first trimester is the worst because you have all these symptoms but are usually not ready to tell people about the pregnancy as yet.

 So you sit there and silently suffer and pray that you pull off hiding the need until you’re ready to share.

The morning sickness began after the first month for me. Definitely by the 8th week I was nauseous 100% of the time and barely able to have any meals.  It would worsen during my over an hour commute and had me carrying carsick bags everywhere I went.  It was all day sickness from the beginning.  Although it was worse in the morning.

I had to switch up my routine to accommodate my all day sickness.  I would take showers at night so I could have the morning to be sick and make time for the snails pace I had adopted.  Then I began to religiously eat  breakfast at home first thing every day. To skip that step would increase my nausea tenfold.

My ​abdominal pain continued and ended up lasting for around 9 weeks before it started being less severe but somehow more frequent. It would give way to excruciating pelvic pain in the second trimester.  Other than that I had the normal symptom of tiredness that most women feel in the 1st trimester.  So tired I would lay in the couch every chance I got.  Between the severe exhaustion and nausea/vomiting I as rarely seen off the couch unless I was at work.

Motherhood and Me

I always hoped I would have children.  I would picture having a girl and a boy.  I REALLY wanted a daughter but would never be disappointed in having a son.  With my diagnoses I pretty much gave up on marriage and kids but would talk about wanting marriage and kids anyhow…maybe trying to wish it into the universe.

I think something people have a hard time accepting is that they don’t really have control over their life.  Regardless if they believe in a higher power or not, most people know some things are left to chance. The reality is probably that everything is left to chance.  You can want marriage and kids all you want but that doesn’t mean you will have them.  I accepted that thought as a teenager.  I had to find something to do with my life that could keep me happy in my spinster lifestyle.  I chose philanthropy and the environment.

But of course God sent me a husband and a baby.  I am not sure more children are in store for us, but regardless I am happy.  There are plenty of times that I wonder if I can run off to Vanuatu whilst laughing maniacally leaving them behind screaming “I’m free!  I’m free!” never to return again.  But I know that I couldn’t even manage a weekend trip to a spa without missing C. And after a couple weeks without B I feel homesick even if I am in fact at home and he is the one who is away.   Truth is they are my home and wherever we are together is where I want to be.

So how do I feel…. exhausted, in excruciating pain and blissfully happy.  Even if I didn’t have them I would be tired and in pain… At least now I get to be deliriously happy.  At times B and I miss alone time to ourselves so we can watch our shows on Netflix but then C laughs or gives us a hug or kiss and we forget there was even a time when it was just two of us.

The Journey Begins

On January 27th 2016 we found out, at urgent care, that I was pregnant. Rewind to about 3 days earlier. All of a sudden I began to feel a terrible, sharp cramping pain in my lower abdomen. I have a three day rule with any new pain.  I figure since I have chronic pain it would be a waste of time and money to run to the doctor every time I felt a new pain.  Anyhow the pain was so excruciating that I would have to pause when it came on.  It would last a couple minutes initially but began to increase in length and frequency. So on the third day I called in sick from work and B took me to urgent care.
I was convinced something was wrong with my intestines so that’s what I told them.  Small side note- since I had gone off my meds I had been having severe intestinal and rectal pain.  My doctors concluded that it was FM related and I was feeling it more often because of the weaning.  So yes… I tell them it’s getting worse and they proceed to do their standard procedure taking urine and checking vitals.  After a few minutes the doctor returns and announces that I’m pregnant and to follow up with my ob/gyn immediately. Turns out I was having pain because of implantation and I was to expect it to last 2-3 weeks according to my ob/gyn. 

We were quite surprised at the pregnancy as I had not yet missed a period.  But it was a pleasant surprise and we basically skipped out of the doctors down the sidewalk.  Blissfully unaware of what the pregnancy held in store for us.